These are my thoughts on the entrants to the 2014 Eurovison Song Contest after sitting through the whole thing.

The first song was done by Ukraine. The song wasn’t that memorable but the girl who sang it was quite pretty and had a decent enough voice. The most memorable thing about this performance was the bloke in the hamster wheel who was on the stage with her.

Next up was Belarus with a song about a man who knows a woman who compares him with a cheesecake, as you do.

Azerbaijan followed with a song that I have absolutely no memory of at all, it was that interesting!

Iceland was next and this was quite memorable. The song was very catchy and was sung by four blokes all dressed in different colours who all had bears. The song was called Tolerance is bliss and was very enjoyable to watch.

Norway’s song was sung by another bearded bloke who apparently has never had any formal training as a singer and he actually did a bloody good job of this song. My wife really enjoyed this song and was one of her favourites of the night.

Romania’s entry was done by the same people who represented them back in 2010 but were not quite as good as they were in their first attempt. Most memorable bit of the performance was the circular shaped piano.

Armenia sent one of their comedians over to sing a rather dreary ballad. It wasn’t great but will probably do really well.

Montenegro did another ballad, slightly less dreary than Armenia’s but equally as forgettable.

Poland were next and sang an amusing little ditty about Slavic girls enlivened by two very busty women at the front of the stage churning butter in very low cut tops. That’s all I remember really.

The Greek entry was more memorable by the fact that they had a trampoline on stage with them rather than the song which was a pretty poor effort at rap, which never does well at Eurovision.

Austria was next with a song performed by a bearded drag queen which was rousing and sounded like the theme from a forgotten James Bond film.

Germany sent their version of Pink to Eurovision this year. The song was ok but it had been totally eclipsed by Austria’s that people soon forgot about this one.

Sweden gave us another typically Eurovision song which you know will do well irrespective of the quality of the song.

France had a bit of a novelty song about a man who desperately wants to grow a moustache, but is unable to do so.

Russia’s song was ok and was sung by a pair of identical twin sisters who started the song with their hair tied together. Luckily they got free by the end of the number. Then there was a seesaw on the stage. Well why not!

Italy’s song was a bit like Pink as well but was more rocky than Germany’s attempt

Slovenia’s song was nice enough and was sung by a pretty girl who also plays the flute.

Finland’s entry was a bit like McBusted and was actually rather good.

Spain’s entry was a song from an X-Factor reject with big jubblies, (although not as on display as the women in the Poland entry), but she was covered in water for the majority of the song!

Switzerland’s entry featured whistling. It could have been worse, it could have featured yodelling!

The Hungarian entry was yet another ballad, which was decent enough when first listening to but not at all memorable, apart from the dancers who were rather energetic, throwing themselves about a lot.

Malta gave us a folksy number which had my toes tapping away when they were onstage, which was very pleasant.

Denmark’s entry has totally slipped my mind entirely.

The Netherlands song was a rather understated number, which seemed very popular with the audience

San Marino did their best with a nice enough song but they are never going to win are they, hosting the event would bankrupt them surely.

The UK’s entry was the final song of the contest. The song was quite good and had a nice rousing chorus to it and the drummer was really going for it. The problem was that Molly wasn’t going for it quite as much as the drummer and it didn’t really make that much of an impression on me, or on the audience.

In the end Austria won, and well deserved it was. It was made for Eurovision and deserved all the plaudits it got.