The Apprentice 2017 week one

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So two weeks into the new series of the Apprentice and the boys have totally capitulated on both tasks and are now two behind the girls who have somehow managed to band together to win both tasks so far, which is saying something as these women are all of the opinion that all of them should be the apprentice and that the other candidates are in their way. To be honest the male candidates are not much better as they all have very high opinions of themselves, and very low opinions of everyone else in the process.

The first task was the standard making a product and then selling it to the public type of task where profit was the key. This time it was burgers that both teams had to source, make, market and sell.

This year’s team names were Vitality for the boys which sounds like some sort of viagra substitute and Graphene for the girls which is apparently a very tough material, as are they.

As is standard in the apprentice asking for someone to step up to be project manager in the first week is like pulling teeth as very few people are willing to take on the chance but for the boys Danny was quite happy to take on the mantle. Sarah was chosen to be the project manager for the girls with not a lot of other people stepping up to the plate, so fair play to Sarah for putting her arse on the line so early

The girls decided to go for gourmet burgers but opted for Chicken that very expensive and sought after meat and then ensured that they got the cheapest cuts possible and then pretty them up in the manufacturing. At least the boys went for it an opted for buffalo as one of their options even if they badly misjudged the price of buffalo meat.

However it all went to pot when there were arguments galore in the kitchen’s about who was responsible for what with none of them taking ownership in the boys team and Liz, the scary florist, trying to take ownership of the burgers for the girls, before being criticised by the rest of the girls, most notably Siobhan, who really doesn’t like Liz at all. I mean Liz didn’t remember her name so perhaps it is deserved a little but Liz is rather endearing, if a little bumbling and that counts for a lot in Apprenticeland. However most of the other women are very forthright and opinionated and not backwards is going forwards in particular Michaela and Sibohan.

As for the boys well they are almost identi-kit with their half arsed beards and their confidence bordering on arrogance. To be honest after the first episode it would be difficult to actually work out any differences between any of the boys who were all pretty bad it has to be said.

Even though the girls argued and argued at leas they did manage to sell some burgers as by the time the boys had got around to actually making and packaging their burgers there was no bugger about so they really had it hard going after that but it was bloody funny watching them floundering as these are people are supposed to be the business brains of Britain and if they can’t make some money flogging burgers then how can they hope to be trusted with a quarter of a millions pounds of Lord Sugars money without making a dogs dinner out of it.

Perhaps if they put their own egos down for one moment then they might decided to try and work together to make the task work, but then again probably not. As it appeared that none of the boys could sell ice pops on the surface of the sun then it probably wouldn’t have made a difference to the outcome of this task.

The girls did quite well to sell what they made considering that they were about as gourmet as a burger from your local rat infested chippy and if they could have got away with it they would have flashed their tits as people just to sell their wares which wouldn’t have gone down well with Karen and only got the good looking ones to actually do the face to face selling to customers, as that is how it works apparently, which was actually suggested much to the disgust of Karen who really wasn’t impressed at that comment at all, as she wasn’t a couple of years ago when they suggested that all the girls wore short skirts and the shorter and tighter the better. This crop of woman however don’t show as much leg as the other groups of women that we have and are better for it not resorting to their sex to get their own way, or at least not yet.

In the end it was not surprising that the girls won as the boys seemed to spend loads of money and make bugger all and the girls spend a lot less than then and managed to sell a few burgers and came back quids in. So round one to the girls.

Danny as project manager was fired but to be honest any one of the boys teams could have been fired this week as none of them really made much of an impression apart from Harry Potter look-a-like Charles who looks like he has borrowed his dad’s suit and drawn a beard on with felt tip and has a very high opinion of himself and is not afraid to tell people how good he thinks he is, which makes him, alongside scary Liz, the Apprentice characters of the first week.

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Twin Peaks 2017 episodes one and two

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So, Twin Peaks: The Return. It is quite simply one of the most bizarre, thought provoking, provocative, annoying, irritating, exasperating, infuriating, vexing tv series that I have ever had the joy to watch!

Episode one of the new series started with a flash back to the second series in which Laura Palmer tells Agent Cooper that she will see him again in 25 years and makes a weird hand gesture for no apparent reason.

We then move to 25 years later still in the red room with an older looking Agent Cooper sat face to face with somoene who looks like the Giant. Coop is then told to remember “430” and “Richard and Linda.” and some other cryptic comments which make no sense out of context. So far so David Lynch. To be honest the rest of the episode doesn’t really make much more sense as far as I can tell but it looks gorgeous.

In the first part we get some new storyline’s starting. We get a woman reporting that a neighbour of hers is not opening her doors and then when the police eventually get there (and that is quite a story in itself and very amusing at that) they find the woman dead in bed but when they move the covers what they actually find is the woman’s severed head and another body which is clearly not the body of the woman underneath it.

The local headmaster, Bill Hastings, is arrested for the crime even though he repeatedly tells them that he didn’t do it but by the end of the second episode we learn that he was having an affair with the woman who was found dead and also that his wife, Phyllis, is having an affair with his best friend.

We also get a version of Agent Cooper with long hair who we see in the first episodes pick up two people (Ray and Darya) from this out of the way spot and beat people up and kill a few people without a buy or leave. This is obviously the BOB possessed Cooper from the end of the second series, he even looks a bit more like Bob with the long hair and swarthy complexion, probably to hammer that point home. This version of Cooper needs to return to the Black Lodge before the real Cooper can go free, Cooper is told in the Lodge according to a very strange looking skeletal tree (not that a skeletel tree could ever look normal) which is an evolved form of the ARM or the Man From Another Place, which again makes no sense but is a rather arresting image and idea.

We also get a building in New York which contains an empty glass box which is watched over by this young lad Sam for no apparent reason that is immediately obvious, who has no idea why he is being asked to do it, and for whom he was doing it for apart from the fact that it was a mysterious billionaire but he was getting paid for it so I guess it didn’t really matter in the end.

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The young lad, Sam, is visited by Tracey, a female friend of his, who brings him coffe and who asks him if she can sit with him doing whatever he does. He wants to but he can’t as there is a security guard watching so he has to send her away. When she returns there is no security guard so he lets her in and they get a bit frisky and end up both being eviscerated by his strange blurry entity that appears in the glass box and then promptly vanishes.

In the second half of the episode we see Cooper appear in the glass box for a moment, at the time when the young lad was letting the girl in and wasn’t there to witness this, and then vanishes from the box. So, are Cooper and the blurry the entity the same thing or not. It would seem odd that they could be one and the same thing but you never know with David Lynch do you.

Also in the second half of of the episode evil Coop murders Darya after discovering that she and Ray were planning to have him killed. He also meets up with Phyllis Hastings whom he also shoots and kills. So, it seems that, she was in league with the evil Cooper which must mean that is why Bill Hastings is being arrested for the murder and would explain how his prints got all over the woman’s apartment, as his wife was aware of his infidelity, and his obvious horror at what is happening to him, as a guilty person wouldn’t have that reaction, well that;s the way I see it anyway. Quite why she was in league with the evil Cooper is not made at all clear but I suspect there was money involved as judging by their house they are worth a bob or to.

We also get to see what some of the other original characters in Twin Peaks are doing nowadays such as Dr Jacoby, Ben and Jerry Horne, Sarah Palmer, Andy, Lucy, Shelley, James, the Log Lady and Hawk.

The Log Lady informs Hawk that he must find something missing that relates to Agent Cooper as you do and that he needs to use his heritage to help him. Shelley gets a brief scene at the end of the second hour, as does James, in the Roadhouse. Jacoby receives a delivery of shovels; Ben and Jerry Horne chat about stuff over a spliff; Sarah Palmer watches a wild life documentary where big cats are eating each other, and Andy and Lucy are Andy and Lucy and have not changed one little bit, not that the Log Lady or Hawk have either apart from agewise.

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In the Black Lodge the spirit of Laura Palmer, as she would probably look now, appears before Cooper removes her face and shows a white light in its place with wierd sounds, tried to kiss him, whispers something in his ear and then everything starts to shake and she is lifted away screaming from the Lodge to somewhere who knows.

Coop then sees Leland who tells him to find Laura but not how, for who, or why? Coop then suffers the same fate as Laura and briefly ends up in the glass box in New York and then afterwards seemingly no where.

Wherever he is he is no longer in the Lodge so perhaps it is an improvement for Coop and perhaps that means that the evil Cooper will be returned to the Lodge which will be better for all concerned.

Out of a number (okay, a lot) of weird moments in this episode one of them happened in a scene in the cell blocks with Hastings where a man who appears to be covered in dust, or coal, or something like that who appears to just dissappear into the ether, like a puff of smoke and then is gone.

rr-17692-r-e1495437350250In something new for this series this double length episode ends with a musical number from the Roadhouse. This episode it is a performance from The Chromatics.

The first two episodes are pretty much what you would expect from David Lynch, but not entirely what you would expect from Twin Peaks and that this is, so far, very David Lynch, if not very typical of Twin Peaks itself, but there is a long, long way to go yet and we are only just getting started. It is going to be a long and rocky journey and I am sure it will be worth every minute invested in it.

Share Your World – August 28, 2017

What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

Any day that that I spend time with my wife.

Complete this sentence: My favorite place in the whole world ….whereever I am with my wife at that moment.

Who was your best friend in elementary school (prior to age 12)? That would be Andrew Lucas who I still see once or twice a year.

SHARE MY WORLD – AUGUST 21, 2017

Have you ever been pulled over by a cop?

I can happily say that I haven’t and never want to either.

What have you always wanted? Did you get it? Be careful what you wish for.?
I wanted to meet a nice girl and yes I have done that thank you very much

What is your perfect pizza?

My perfect pizza would be on with lots and lots of different sort of meats on. I like my pizzas to give me meat sweats.