The Apprentice 2017 week 10

apprentice-modelThis week was all about fashion with the teams trying to persuade a designer to let them represent them and then do a fashion show and a magazine cover to promote their wears.

Joanna took the helm for Graphene as her business is clothing related and she had to work with Michaela, Elizabeth and James. Jade was project manager for Vitality with Harrison and Sarah. Graphene chose male clothing with Vitality taking on women’s fashion.

They each had some designers who they had to persuade to be able to show of their wares at a fashion shoot. Graphene went for more affordable clothing which had a ecological bent with Vitality going for a much more high ticket item which was described as post-apocalyptic regal rock and roll by the designer herself.

Elizabeth and Michaela enjoyed themselves rather too much choosing male models for their fashion shoot whereas Joanna decided that James should also be a model despite their being plenty of other models being ogled (sorry picked) by Elizabeth and Michaela.  Apparent this was because he was their target audience despite having absolutely no modelling experience. Harrison delegated to the woman on the basis that they know more about women’s fashion than he had, which is a fair point considering he is a bloke and not a drag act.

It was down to Harrison and Sarah to organise the fashion show with Jade choosing the designer and shooting the magazine cover. Michaela despite doing marketing for a living didn’t manage to do a decent cover which was considered boring by the experts thus lost their endorsement. James’s modelling didn’t get the thumbs up either but at least Jade didn’t put herself on the cover of their magazine which was a bit more acceptable for a magazine cover.

Due to the high ticket price of their clothing range Vitality were not able to make enough money and they ended up losing the task despite managing to get the endorsement which could have been a deal breaker for them.

When it came down to the boardroom there was nowhere to hide and Jade and Sarah gave as good they could get to Lord Sugar with Harrison basically not putting up a fight leading to him being fired, closely followed by Jade, despite her at least trying to fight her corner.

So somehow Elizabeth is in the final five. Who would have thunk it? Elizabeth! Now, that, I did not see coming at all.



The Apprentice 2017 Week 9


The candidates took on the food industry in this task and had to create and market a new product and pitch it to industry experts to see which one would work best in a rather crowded market. Harrison was chosen as the project manager of Vitality along with Sarah for Graphene.

Although Harrison was ostensibly the project manager Michaela railroaded him into picking her to create the dish with Joanne and Jade doing the marketing even though Joanna said that she could cook, probably as Michaela didn’t want to work with either Jade or Joanna, who also can’t stand the other so that was going to work well.

Sarah chose James and Elizabeth to come up with a dish and test it out with herself and Bushra on the marketing team. Naturally neither Bushra nor Sarah nor James wanted to work with Elizabeth, but poor old James drew the short straw in this instance.

Joanne and Jade spent most of them when they should have been coming up with name arguing amongst themselves with Joanne offering suggestions which Jade did not like, and then Jade getting pissed off with Joanne, and then Joanne getting pissed of with Jade.

It was amazing that they came up with a name in the end after all of that, even if it wasn’t on they could agree on, which would never have happened even if they had had one thousand years to come up with a name. Natrofuel was what they came up with in the end, which is sounds about as appetising as cold sick.

Bushra and Sarah on the other hand very quickly came to a name both of them agreeing with the word gourmet with Sarah preferring Crusaders which she ended up choosing despite Bushra’s misgivings.

When it came down to choosing the dish Harrison and Michaela (or rather Michaela) decided to do a chicken curry, or at least a healthy version of a curry, as you cannot help but love a curry.

Meanwhile Elizabeth and James went for the far healthier salmon option. James wanted to do the cooking, Elizabeth wanted to do the cooking, and in the end James let Elizabeth do this cooking as it was easier to let her do it as she would have done it anyway.

As it turns out neither Michaela nor Harrison had the first idea about cooking curries, or anything for that matter, and they muddled through in a rather haphazard fashion. Elizabeth and James turned out something that looked half decent with the minimum of fuss that it as soon as James let Elizbeth do exactly what she wanted. With the packaging Joanne and Jade continued to argue with Bushra and Sarah once again working as a team, like they were supposed to.

Next step was the pitches which would make or break the task for either team. The pitches really did make or break the task for both teams with Vitality doing a half decent pitch and Grephene do a godawaful job at the pitch and and as as result of this Vitality eventually won the day, which was rather ironic, considering that their product was inferior to that of Graphene but not as shodily presented which was the straw that broke the camel’s back for this task.

After last week one might have expected a double or even triple firing. Sarah bought Bushra and Elizabeth back into the boardroom. Now you can understand why she bought Elizabeth back as it was her fault that the product was so badly made on the day of the pitch, despite doing a good job of it the previous day.

It was not clear why Bushra was bought back as they seemed to work well together on the task, unlike Vitality whose members would argue with their own shadow. Somehow Elizabeth survived as did Sarah, leave Bushra to being fired, which was quite surprising as I would have put money on Elizabeth being fired when she was bought back into the boardroom.

How wrong was I?

The Apprentice 2017 Week 8

gallery-1511381030-screen-shot-2017-11-22-at-200250This week the show finally went to the dogs. Apparently doggie day care is all the range nowadays and people will pay lots of money on their best friend and each team had to offer a variety of services for dog owners including a spa day, activities, photo shoots and poop-a-scoop services.

Charles once again put his name in the hat to be project manager on the basis that he owns dogs and for the first time this series they let him be project manager probably just to shut him up.

James put his name in the hat again for Graphene and it was agreed that he could have another go at the job despite the fact that he knows nothing about dogs and the fact that he presided over the losing team the previous week.

Both teams were really keen on offering the spar to their clients and both teams pitched for that and the activity sessions. Vitality managed to win the day for the spa with Graphene having to make do with the activities which did not make them very happy but they went with it as they didn’t really have a choice in the matter.

With the teams split up half the teams went to drum up business offering to clear up dog crap from anywhere with Graphene getting the gig to clear up a massive lawn in time for a wedding, after the other team failed to win over the client mostly due to Andrew swearing during the pitch, and also as they didn’t charge as much for the gig as the other team.

When they got there they also agreed to clear up goose crap as well as the dog mess but for the same fee which was better for the client than for the people involved. Of course they did it but not without moaning about it the whole time.

The team who didn’t get the stately hall gig went round door to door and managed to do quite well as people are willing to pay in order that they do not have to pick up dog mess and they soon realised that this could be quite lucrative as they were able to do smaller jobs for more money than they would have got for one large job as it were.

Elizabeth and Joanne were in charge of the doggie activities with Charles, Jade and Michaela in charge of the doggie spa. Well I say Charles, Jade and Michaela but it was really just Jade and Michaela as Charles supervised and sat back. At least Elizabeth and Joanne each got stuck in and appeared to work together quite well without much moaning on the part of Joanne and a bit less taking over by Elizabeth who actually listened to her colleague for once.

The rest of the teams worked on getting as much money as they could. Bushra, Harrison and James offered photo shoots for doggies and managed to get a few gigs including on for a charity who offered them 200 to take photos of them for a possible calender but in the end managed to take only a couple of decent pictures and didn’t get the full amount they had agreed with the client which wasn’t great.

But they managed to get quite a lot of money for clearing up crap so it might not been such a disaster that they didn’t get all of the money from the photoshoot. Having said that the stately home team didn’t get all the money they were promised either as they didn’t complete the job and also people were charged more for the activities and some people and they had to honour all of the customers at the lower price mark to keep from people asking for their money back so both teams managed to cock up as bad as the others do no change there.

In the end it was Vitality who didn’t make the most money from their spa treatments and their poop-a-scoop and other services when compared to the other Graphene who were able to actually lose money and still win.

This was mostly down to them not making the most of their winning of the stately home contract and upselling on the spa treatments. Charles took Anisa and Andrew into the boardroom with him and there was carnage with all three people fired.

This was going to happen sooner or later and this time it would be hard to disagree with him even though in previous tasks this could also have happened on more than occasion

The Apprentice 2017 Week 6

TheApprenticeep6d-09aae8cThe candidates were dispatched to Bruges and tasked with offering up to 16 passengers a tour of the city, and also flog them as much tut as they could, with the team with the most profit winning and the team with the least profit losing. Simples.

Sarah-Jayne was made project manager of Vitality with Elizabeth project managing (or shouting very loudly at) Graphene.

Vitality decided to go for an historical tour of the city with Graphene concentrating on the modern city.

Vitality also opted for a beer tasting mostly because Andrew likes drinking with Graphene going for the other Belgian staple chocolates.

Graphene offered their tour the use of segways for some of the tour, with Vitality offering a horse and cart approach for part of the tour.

Whilst half of the team worked out the tours the other half flogged their wares with promises made of a segway tour round Bruges and enough drink to get you bladdered and also that a good time would be had by all, which the majority of the people they spoke to all accepted.

Have they even seen this show? I would have been very circumspect if it had of been me. However the segway tour sounded like a hell of a lot of fun and would have been worth if it that was what they had got, rather than what they got.

They also decided to maximise profits by selling souvenirs of the city and their trip but, in reality, only one of the teams really made an effort in the souvenirs they were selling with one of them selling really cheap and tatty key rings and the other team selling stuff that looked like it cost more than a couple of quid.

When it came down to the tours themselves neither of them were that exciting and when it came down it neither one of them was exactly as sold to the punters.

Graphene’s segway tour of Bruges was mostly ots of walking and a little bit of segway, with a quick stop of inhale some chocolate than that back on the tour all ran by Sergeant Major Elizabeth whose motto was very much get it all over with as quickly as possible and not give as shit if the people were actually enjoying themselves.

Vitality’s being lots of walking and a very short ride in a horse and cart. They did give them some alcohol but not enough to make a mouse drunk, or a complete lightweight, such as me. For the majority of the time these poor people walked round and round in circles with Charles never once admitting that he didn’t know where the hell that he was for the majority of the time.

Surprisingly there were very few refunds asked for, which completely shocked me as I was expecting that everyone would have asked for their money back.

In the end Graphene won by making slightly more profit than Vitality despite them spending less on the task and selling more tickets but makes a total pigs ear of the tour taking their clients on a wild goose chase entirely unplanned and unfocussed which was like being taken on a tour by someone who didn’t know where the hell they were going, which is pretty much spot on.

Sarah-Jayne bought Andrew and Charles into the boardroom with her and Sarah-Jayne was fired even though both Charles and Andrew both could have gone: Andrew because he treated it like a club 18-30 holiday and Charles because he did very little except point out what went wrong and also because he made a cock-up on the tour getting lost, even though he refused to admit that he was lost. Quite how they all didn’t get fired for this I will never know and Sarah-Jayne was unlucky to be the only one fired for this debacle.